Yuvibaby

I will start off by sharing something that’s very personal yet something that had made me realize that if it wasn’t for music I might’ve not been here today to even share this. This all takes place in Parkland Florida at the school I would attend with no fear. I remember the school as it was heavy on bodyguards, gates closed at all times, teachers yelling at students to go to class felt like I was in prison nothing could go wrong at least I thought. It was Valentine’s Day – a day full of love. I remember everyone walking with balloons and holding a goodie bag around their wrists. I would’ve never thought my life could change so soon so fast and so harsh. Nobody gave me a warning, nobody told me Yuvi you’re going to be traumatized for the rest of your life. I remember the sirens, the blue and red lights flashing and flickering right through my eyes and how frightened I was I couldn’t even think about myself. All I thought about was my sister and how she was doing and if she was okay. I was questioning if she was still alive as a single text message didn’t go through. I remember having a talk with the man above and I told him listen just take me and leave her alive, take me and leave her alive. I remember my teacher taking my cell phone and calling my dad I feel like this is every parent’s worst nightmare to get a call telling them that their child is in danger and under a code red lockdown.

I will never forget the way my teacher said it. He said that he will protect my life with his own.

I was only a 14-year-old teen whose childhood was completely ruined. When the incident took place, I remember how I just tried to take care of everybody in class to keep myself distracted from what was going on. I remember this one girl sitting next to me. She had long brown hair. I held her hand and we both, out of human nature, just started crying. I could feel her hands shake and she could feel my heart beating out of my chest. One thing we all have in common is we all get each other’s pain: the teachers, the students and the staff members. I remember going to school and the principal would always say to Be Positive Be passionate and to remember to be proud to be an eagle over the intercom.

I received the news that one of my close friends took his own life I felt devastated by the news and I felt drained I felt as if the world kept taking away my happiness and all the things I loved away from me I started falling and breaking to pieces felt like no one could possibly relate to me as I was falling into a deeper hole a dark hole that kept sucking the life out of me I felt like I was going numb and that I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t bear the pain anymore I remember we didn’t have class that upcoming week because of his passing but I remember the day we came back to school I just started crying but crying my heart out I started screaming my teacher started crying right along with me felt like I was trapped inside of a nightmare that I could never be woken up from I felt like somebody stabbed me slowly not from the back but the front I realized I will never be able to have those long talks or conversations with him ever again I will never be able to talk to him about my struggles or just make jokes and laugh at each other while trying to catch our breath I lost my best friend somebody who understood my pain and didn’t find it in him to judge me or hurt me like everybody else did I lost the other half of me all I have left is a jacket that he had given to me sometimes all I can think about is what would he say if he got to hear my music the music and songs he would always tell me I have to release or record he was my #1 support when I felt as if I had nobody, maybe a cold shoulder to rely on.

After he passed away, I decided I will release one of his favorite songs I wrote called “Remember Me” in which I wrote about my past relationship where I was mistreated and felt miserable in his words- please just release this song already. I will be playing it over and over again. Your lyrics just hit different.

In my new song Forever 17, a song of mine in which I decided to talk about my experience as I witnessed the worst thing possible by a student. how am I supposed to go back and live a normal life I asked my therapist she told me listen you’ll never be able to go back to normal this is a wound but you choose when you’re going to put a bandaid on it .I asked her how when I can’t even stand the sound of a fire alarm every time I hear one I just break apart you see how terrified and scared I am I just stand there miserably along with all these other students who fear their lives just like I do every time we hear one how are you going to assure me this event will never happen again I’m scared, something I rarely felt she told me I should consider getting on Prozac a medication that helps out with “depression” I remember taking the pill the first time and feeling like a zombie aside from that I have adhd and I had to take medication for that nobody told me the outcome could be that I will feel even more numb than I already was.

I remember my English teacher
Miss. Ashman who always talked about equal rights black lives and innocent lives that were taken I remember just waiting for her class everyday as we would read On The Come Up, And The Hate U Give. As she wanted everyone to understand each other’s culture and the struggles that came with our cultures. I remember her bringing up Trayvon Martin and George Floyd. I remember telling her how unfair this system is. I felt inspired to write this song as I go through a lot of struggles because of the ethnicity of myself. Everybody loved this song and told me wow this is super relatable. I had some people even thank me. I remember people sending me videos of them singing along in their cars and in their rooms and I felt special. I felt right. I felt happiness, something I haven’t felt in a while.

This is the lesson I want to share with everyone it doesn’t matter if you’re strong weak rich poor we all have our similarities and our differences our own struggles in which we struggle to accept some have worse struggles than others some have easier struggles in which they like to share we tend to wear a mask and hide our pain I’ve always wondered how we look completely fine yet we hide so much pain just so it doesn’t reflect onto others whom we truly care about.

In conclusion I am YUVIBABY